“Hi boss, I don’t feel like seeing your hideous face today. See you tomorrow.”
That can earn you a lifetime of leaves from your employer. But maybe that’s not what you have in mind. Because the chronic gravitational pull that keeps you on your bed is for today morning only. Tomorrow you would want to go work and save the world from those demonic files and statements that stack your office cabinet. And maybe earn a penny or two in return to feed your anorexic girlfriend, job-less boyfriend and dying dog. But today is the time to meditate. And meditate you shall. Deep under the multiple layers of your blankets; over that soft feathery throne called bed and explore the heavenly pleasures of unperturbed slumber. Alternatively you can also vegetate in front of that “Idiot-Box” and pick up tricks to diffuse nuclear weapons to save humanity from extinction. But for all that to work you need your fool of a boss to act rationally for once and believe your ‘not-so-original-but-legitimate’ excuses to stay at home. Try a few of these tricks.
Excuses To Get Out Of Work
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“I was on my way to office and my neighbor called – the water pipes ‘broke’ and the basement is flooding. Got to get home ASAP!” Use this only if you do have a house to live-in. Because if you stay in a tent by the roadside then chances are your boss will find out.
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“I have lice!” Ok, this one is a star. Who would want you coming to work with lice? This might even get you an extra day if you claim to be treating your house, too!
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"I have really bad cramps." Don’ dismiss this one. It's embarrassing and that’s the strength of this excuse. It’s a topic nobody will ever challenge. It's one of those things that men honestly have no clue about and women can sympathize with.
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"I have horrible diarrhea." Yikes! Again, an embarrassing but completely safe excuse. Nobody will doubt your sincerity. Plus, you don't need an elaborate back story. No one wants to hear the details. If anything, your boss and co-workers will admire you for your honesty.
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"I took some work home last night and will be going through it today from home." Use this cautiously. Whoever invented telecommuting should be sainted. In order to sell this excuse, call your boss a couple of times throughout the day. The best time to do this is at lunch - that way you get credit for the call but you don't have to answer too many questions.
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“Last night we had a party and I woke up with a strange man in my bed!” Use this only if you’re unmarried. The married ones may use it with spousal guidance or a day’s absence might just cost you an expensive divorce.
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“My dog ate my car keys and I am waiting for it to leak!” Kinky but workable. This excuse comes with a low shelf-life. You can use it only once per job.
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“I won't be coming in today, I've spent my last cent playing online bingo and I don't have any money left for the bus. Don't worry, I'll try to win it back today while I'm off!” Wonderful only if you have a gambler’s reputation. Never use it if you have serious risk-taking issues or your boss might notice.
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“Excuse me sir, but I won't be in today. My home is flooded and I'm currently standing on my dresser in my second story bedroom. Thanks and have a nice day.”
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“Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.” Now that’s a clear winner. Nobody wants a stink loaded army tank walking around the office.
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"My grandmother's/grandfather's memorial service is today." This excuse works because: first, because elderly people die everyday so no one is going to think your excuse is unlikely; second, no one is going to question a death in your family for fear of offending you. If you play your cards right, this excuse is good for four free days - one for each grandparent - with each new job.
